Friday, September 10, 2010

You Didn't Really Think Harper's Self-Promotion Would End at TV Ads and Signs Did You?

C'mon, we're talking about the king of the narcissists here. Painted bus ads, TV commercials and "signs, signs, everywhere a sign", was just a warm-up.

He's now using our money to put up plaques at spots where his signs suggested something was being done.

Yes folks. Tourists to North Bay will now be in awe at a commemorative plaque placed at the completion of a road.

Henry from Awshucks, Arkansas will take off his cap and his wife Mabel will draw her children close. "Look Henry. In 2010 Canadians built their first road."

"Good for them Mabel. Do you think they'll get cars now?"

"Be patient Henry. I don't think they have driveways at their igloos."

As Impolitical says:
A plaque is not a temporary item after all. Memorials to significant community figures, or an historic explorer's trail, or an historic building...those are the kinds of things that warrant commemoration in a community. Now maybe if this was the first road ever in North Bay...
But they will not be stopping there. In a report that was pried from their white knuckled hands, I've learned of several new plaques and touristy things, that will preserve this government's history.

- 'This is the spot where Gail Shea ordered the cruel and unnecessary slaughter of 560 defenseless Narwhal whales'. And just to the right of that 'This is the spot where Gail Shea drank tea and giggled with delight at her power to order the massacre of 560 defenseless Narwhal whales'.

- 'It was here that Stephen Harper made the decision to allow mines to dump their toxic waste into our lakes.'

- 'It was on this site that 1600 dead ducks were found, victims of the tarsands.'

- 'It was on this spot where Stephen Harper had his first photo-op as Dictator of Canada.' From there plaques commemorate each and every one, but a single plaque, cast in gold, marks the spot where he had his millionth. Two million is coming up soon and they are scouting around for a large supply of platinum, to make it just right. After all, the photo-op will be at the plaque commemorating this historic event.

- 'This plaque marks the spot where Dimitri Soudas had his nineteenth nervous breakdown'. Is there yet another photo-op in Harper's future at the spot of Dimmy Witty's one millionth next week?

-'This is the spot where Harper's people fled down the stairs during an RCMP raid at their headquarters.'

- 'It was here that Garry Breitkreuz led a group of gun nuts in a march protesting the fact that our police have ... [hmmm] .... big guns, and they aren't allowed.'

-'It was at this hotel, where in 2004 Stephen Harper met with Jack Layton and Gilles Duceppe to form a coalition, and take power without earning it.'

- 'It was here that Stephen Harper and Jim Flaherty announced the largest tax hikes in Canadian history.'

-'It was at this desk where Jim Flaherty bailed out our banks and put Canadians on the hoof for 125 billion dollars worth of sub-prime mortgages.'

- 'It was here where Stephen Harper announced that .. or I mean had a staffer announce that he was going to prorogue Parliament again because the nasty opposition wanted to know if he was complicit in torture.' This has only been done three times in our history to avoid having to be held accountable. Once by Sir John A. and twice by Stephen Harper. A new record. Now that deserves a plaque.

- 'It was on these streets that Stephen Harper had Canadians beat up, but ordered vandals to be left alone to do their work' And it only cost taxpayers 1.3 billion dollars.

- 'This is the site of Canada's first 'Fake Lake'.' This will be erected beside a sign that reads 'Polluted'.

And those are only a few.

But the crowning glory will be a monument, cast in bronze, of a giant eraser. Engraved on the base are all the things that the Harper regime has erased, including:

-The word 'equality' from the Status for Women

-Text on how both draft dodgers and resisters of the Vietnam War were ultimately allowed to stay in Canada suddenly vanished from the Citizenship and Immigration site.

-Funding for planned parenthood that has helped to decrease the number of abortions performed. So much for being pro-life.

- Words off sensitive documents that could implement them in the torture of detainees.

- The terms "gender equality," "child soldiers," "international humanitarian law," "good governance," "human security," "public diplomacy" and "The Responsibility to Protect" have been blacklisted from government parlance. While already limited to an unprecedented degree on what they are allowed to say in public, Canada’s civil servants and diplomats are now banned from using certain words. This means that the rape of women and children can now be used as a weapon of war.

- Our identity

- Funding to NGOs who cross Jason Kenney

- Women from history

- gay rights

- An environmental plan

-Freedom of speech

-Freedom of the Press

Again this is only a partial list. So many plaques, so little time.

But my favourite are the signs they will erect at all of our border crossings. Underneath a giant middle finger, are the words:

'If you are not a heterosexual, white male, religious fundamentalist with a loaded gun and a bad attitude - STAY THE HELL OUT!'

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