Saturday, December 12, 2009

Harper Government Holds Their Annual Gong Show in the Foyer

To cap off an eventful season on the Hill, the Reformers came out in full force to entertain the media, and the Canadian public; with their second annual gong show.

It was difficult to trump last year's performance, when all members of the party screeched and squealed and hurled accusations of "traitor"and "coup" to a cheering crowd.

But unfortunately it was revealed not long after, that the performance had been a rip off of one already shown in 2004. An insider has hung his head in shame, stating that he did not go along with the older act because it included the Bloc, and you can't have separatists starring in a conservative talent show; even if they are the only ones providing the talent.

This year's theme was how to deflect allegations of torture. It was frolicy and fun, and in honour of the Unknown Comic, offered a great deal of comic relief.

First act of the day was the walking caricature John Baird. This guy is so funny. With his best scrunched up face and spit fountain; he regaled the accomplishments of his government, and had the crowd in stitches. Someone from the back yelled out "John, tell us the one about the stimulus spending. We love that one." Ha ha ha ha. And though the joke should be getting old by now, Johnny repeated it; proving that it is still a crowd pleaser. He ended his act by lambasting the Liberals for being too partisan. Ha ha ha ha. GONG!

Next up was Christian Paradis who was so blown away by Baird's performance that he repeated the entire act - in French. GONG!

The next performer was ... huh? John Baird? Doesn't he know that once you are gonged you must leave the stage. But "wait" he cries. I forgot to tell you the one about the Home Renovation tax credit. I know we spent tens of millions of taxpayer dollars to inform Canadians that they could get back $180.00 if they could afford to pay $ 1350.00 for renovations, but someone might have missed it. Sorry homeless. If you only had a house you too might qualify. Maybe next year, but don't hold your breath. That 1.9 billion I promised for social housing. It ain't gonna' happen. GONG!

Taking center stage next was Diane Finley. She chose to delve into the more serious issue of the economy, and despite her party's complete bungling of our country's finances, she is obviously grieving. But the crowd isn't buying it. GONG!

Next in line was the "tough on crime" cowboy, Rob Nicholson; suggesting that those damn Liberals are just too busy listening to the experts, and want to try to make sense of his crime bill. Who in the hell can make any sense of his crime bill? It was written with crayons. GONG!

In full costume, Lawrence Cannon was the next to take the mic, doing a rendition of "Girls Just Want to Have Fun", in honour of the women and young girls in Afghanistan. He should have sang the flip-side "Tell me Lies, Tell me Sweet Little Lies". GONG! GONG! GONG!

Paradis back up ... GONG! Questions from the 'fans' ... all redacted; taking them to their grand finale. A song written by the PMO:

When in doubt, blame everything on Michael Ignatieff.

Gong Show Out!

Can't wait until next year when the theme will be, Why are we no longer in government and why are so many of our former ministers in jail? Prime Minister Ignatieff will be sitting in the front row.

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