Harper Regime To Remove Human Elements from Canadian Citizens

In attempt to remove any guilt from the Harper Regime, Canadians will now be thought of as mere numbers, and reduced to mindless drones.

Terrified that he might find a fragment of compassion within his government, Harper (aka Guy Giorno) is purging all personal data from government records so that he won't have to deal with who will be hurt the most from his new policies, now that he's abandoned a minuscule tax on the extremely wealthy, and throwing it clearly on our shoulders.

The PMO has not confirmed that these numbers will be tattooed on our foreheads, though I heard a rumour that Big Jake's Tattoo Parlour received four million dollars in stimulus money.

So cut those bangs, he's coming through.

Insiders who spoke to The Canadian Press on condition of anonymity decry a new world order within the agency since the Conservatives came to power in 2006 and legendary chief statistician Ivan Fellegi retired. Employees were told a little over a year ago that there would be less emphasis on analysis. A highly praised survey on immigrants to Canada, for example, has been axed. Other analytical jobs, in areas such as business and trade statistics, and the aging population, have been eliminated.

Some employees say the agency will lose its status as the best statistical office in the world.One Statistics Canada source said the move could have a negative impact on the dozens of provincial governments, community groups and other organizations that depend on the data for developing policy. “It will be a disaster. A lot of policy across Canada has been based on that long form,” the source said.